MAY THE ROAD RISE UP TO MEET YA, AND MAY UR MUG NEVER FIND ITSELF EMPTY OR ALONE!!
I REALIZE THIS IS THE DAY AFTER BUT YESTRDAY WAS SO NUTS WITH NEW BOSS'S HERE AND LEAVING EARLY TO HAVE OUR 30 PLUS FRIENDS AND FAMILY IRISH PARTY SO, TODAY I SPREAD THE LUCK AND LOVE TO YA!!!!XOXO
P.S. MAY A COOL BREEZE ALWAYS FIND IT'S WAY TO YOUR PANT LEG!!
105 comments:
Once I went to a concert on Halloween night. It was for Public Image Limited (or P.I.L) and there was a costume contest. The person to win the costume contest would get to go backstage to meet the band. I wanted badly to dress up as a Bubbleman but I had no means. Guess what happened. Someone came to the concert dressed as a Bubbleman and won the contest. Seriously.
ditto
Not me. I never did that.
Once when I was a kid I was digging a hole in the backyard and I determined I was going to get to China. But it was too hard and I never got there.
I did that, the next day when i went back to the hole, there was a frog in it. Chinese frog maybe.
Two different times I've had a coupon for one absolutely FREE box of dishwasher detergent. It was for the Electrasol 2 in 1 tabs. Those are my favorite! Anyway, both times I lost the coupon and I was so mad at myself. Months later, I finally made it to Walmart with an Electrasol coupon that was $2.85 off, which is still a really good coupon. While I was in line I noticed it had expired. I was so mad again, but then I decided to just rip off the expiration date. The checker didn't notice, the coupon worked, and let me tell you, I was $2.85 happier that day.
Every Friday when the garbage truck comes to pick up my trash, I see it out my window.
Ditto, except ours comes on Thursday.
Monday- down the 1/4 mile. But I still see it and smile.
One time the new radio station in SLC had a contest for the best invitation to a backyard BBQ with Materialissue. Yes I did win and had a backyard BBQ with the band and many sudden new friends. Making it more fun was the smell of sweet wacky weed wafting from my clothing for days. I don't think I ever laundered those items again otr since whichever makes sense.
One time I was at work hoping my friends would all be talking directly to me, but alas all i got was random crap, but as they say random crap is better then ginormous crap.
p.s. Sherri I think I have a splinter in my tooshey from saturday.
Once I was camping in the redwood forest with my family and I caught a little grass snake. I was very excited and thought it was very cool. I showed it to my stepfather who panicked and told me to let it go. He told me it might bite me. I told him it wasn't poisonous and he then issued some sound advice to which I have taken heed oh these many years: "All snakes are poisonous."
One time I was always the shortest and I always felt short and then I met Carrie and my life was fulfilling again.
One time I went to my dear friend Sherri's house and Leslie was there from Boise and even though we called her about 15 billion times our friend from Rexburg named Carrie Wilson didn't come and hang out with us. or call us back. last saturday. thanks. alot.
Once I heard a radio station ask who woody woodpeckers girlfriend was. I called them up and said "Winnie". I won a dinner for two at the Press Box. I couldnt date yet, so I had to take my brother dave. But it wasnt all RN, cause Christie Hatl called me cause she heard me on the radio. And Joel got to meet stephanie shoopman. The end.
One time I caught a llama and I was all excited and I took it into my tent to go to sleep and Dugald came up and said "all llamas are poisonous". So I put him down and watched him scamper away. Just kidding. I didnt watch him. I was looking at Dugald.
One time I was sleeping in my bed and I heard a crop duster flying outside. I looked out the window and it was spraying stuff all over the neighbors field. I couldn't sleep anymore so i just got up and watched cartoons on the black and white tv.
One time I was hiking through the amazon jungle and I lost my machete. I looked around and found a snake to help me chop my way through the dense greenness. I suddenly heard a voice almost as a whisper. "All snakes are posionous" I dropped it and lived another day.
This one time Sherri and Leslie and I sat for like 5hrs(them a bit more), we supported hormone filled teenagers dancing, while waiting for our Nan to show, but alas she did not show up, the inch taller then me that she is, certainly must be the reason.
Once I was walking to Paul's house. Paul was with me. We were in front of the Thomas' house. A van drove past us from behind and lobbed a large gob of mayonnaise at us. It found its mark. We were pleased and fresh.
One time I built a snowman with my kids. It melted and left a carrot in my yard. The carrot was there for several weeks. Some animal may have taken it. Thief.
I have to post this pic for the ladies...mmmmm mommy likey!!
Once I had to go camping with my family in Washington State. It rained the whole time and we were all soaking wet. Fortunately Dugald was able to sleep though and kept us entertained with his snoring all night long. Sleeping was not an available option the entire time we camped there. The end.
One time I wish I had the pleasure of knowing Dugald.
One time a lady at Paul's work had a miscarriage and told Paul that she had lost her baby. Paul then asked her, "Did you retrace your steps?"
Paul.
Once I was bitten by a potgut at girl's camp. I wasn't with my friend Cynthia. I was alone when it happened. I had to be taken in a blue van to the hospital and checked for rabies.
I can tell you that all my experiences with Dugald were good.
One time Trichelle liked me, but the feeling wasn't mutual. I made up stories about how I started drinking and driving in hopes that her interest would wane.
One time I ate a chicken heart. It came from a chicken. I didn't enjoy it, so I probably won't do that again.
Once I went to visit our friend Michele in Oregon. Then I never heard from her again.
One time I saw my younger sister open a serious gash in her arm using a mirrored wall in our retro home. The mirrors had gold veins. There was orange and red shag carpet in the basement. And there was no garage. Just a carport.
One time I took a picture of the blue car that had been sitting there so long that a tree had grown up through the frame of the car. The one beside the road.
One Nan tricked me into eating cow heart. I was standing next to the bathroom at the time. It wasn't nice for her to do that.
As a side note - Mandi, I laughed my head off with your story about Paul and the lady who "lost" her baby. I had tears coming to my eyes.
Paul.
Once I scraped a significant amount of gunk of the edges of the mouse. Then it was marginally tolerabler.
One time i went to the fair and rode a really fast spinning ride. It was fun. Then I had to go behind a semi trailer and lose my tuna sandwich.
One time I was invited to go to an all day dance shake your boodie competition. I told my friends numerous times I would not be attending. I called to let them that I loved them several times during the boodielicious dance but they forgot to tell Carrie.
One time while I was in New York I was walking across the street at 3 in teh morning and saw a famous black man. I didn't say hi.
Once I talked to Mary Ann at the airport. She got arrested for having some pot in her car. Luckily she got out of trouble. Money buys more than happiness.
One time we didn't forget to tell Carrie. It was funner that way.
One time I met Dugald and thought he was Creepy. Oh wait, I met him many times. Everytime was creepy. I think he was poisonous.
Once I was walking to church and Cartoon followed me and my family all the way.
One time my husband was delivering a package to Maryann's house for UPS and she was walking around topless. He dropped the package and ran without a signature.
You should assume that All Dugalds are poisonous.
One time while we were visiting friends my 2 year old found some gel and put it in her hair and thought she looked pretty. When I went to find the bottle to make sure it was cleaned up I realized it was K Y Jelly. We laughed a lot and embarrased my friends.
One time it was my turn to pay for gas and i didn't have the money. We stopped at a Pizza Hut and some guy loaned me $20. He said i was cute.
One time an unattractive girl made a crude gesture at me in the parking lot at the mall. It was north of the Deseret Book entrance where the old theaters used to be inside the mall.
One time I made a crude gesture at someone in the parking lot outside the mall. It was north of the Deseret Book entrance where the old theaters used to be inside the mall.
the guy was wierd.
Once a guy didn't get his luggage and it was my fault. He punched the counter in front of me.
One time I made someone look fat in a picture. THey thought I had a bad camera
One time, Paul and I were waiting for his mother to pick us up after seeing "Throw Momma From the Train." We were waiting outdoors. There was an alarm on the wall. There was a blue car in the handicap parking space. We began throwing rocks at the alarm and saying "Ring the bell and win a prize" in our best old-timey carnie impressions.
Once there was a corpse sitting in the airport. In the black chairs that are in front of the windows by the ticket counter. I went to see. It was just Charlton Heston.
One time I grew a beard. It was a chin-strap style beard and I wore it for 2 or 3 months.
One time Joel was not cool.
This one time at band camp.....
This one time Sherri and I danced the dirty dancing dance (That the lame sister does for talent show)on top of my mom's station wagon at the drive inn, while Nan rolled around the gravel laughing her head off.
One time I rolled around the gravel laughing my head off whilst Carrie and Sherri were doing the dirty dancing dance on the station wagon.
This one time I wore Dave's pants without asking. he found out and chased me into the bathroom, which was locked. Then he boxed my balls. It was painful!
Once I bought some books with a $20 that I found in Dave's dresser. Again, he got angry. Why is always so pissed off?
Once I was urinating next to Joel in a hotel room. Then we crossed streams and began a Pee War. I dont know if it was very appropriate.
One time I was persuaded to NegroKnock sister howe's house. She chased after us, but couldnt catch us. I think I remember throwing dirt clods at her to prevent her catching up to us. She came to my hosue and told my parents. She claimed her daughter had been sleeping adn I had woken her up. so I had to do yardwork with Marriner. She was a pleasant employer, and not a bit assholish.
Paul, u dont know if the pee war was appropriate or the crossing of streams??;)
K seriosly I cant breathe from laughing so hard at the ball boxing issue....
One time this guy took me to the best make out place in the world. It wasn't.
Sherri he took all of us..
One time this guy took Joel to the best make out place in the world too.
Joel was it good for you like it was for me?
One time I was working at Holiday Inn Reservations. One day I sat by a random girl with a very round tummy. I asked her when her baby was due. She said, "Oh, I'm not pregnant, I'm still fat from my last baby." I felt really dumb and said, "I'm sorry. So how old is your baby?" She said, "Ummm...he's five. Years." I decided to sit somewhere else.
This one time when we were in New York, Nan and my sis and I were dancing in a club and a knife fight broke out, on who would be giving us a ride home. Luckily some other guys got us a cab.
One time I went to visit my friends in Utah. We went and tp'd someones house. I don't know who. It's illegal.
This one time Nan Sherri, Michelle(?), and I were groupey's to the band BIG IDEA, WE THOUGHT THEY WERE THE BEE'S KNEES.. we actually went to a ton of there performances....Sherri do ya still have pic's I have a few.
one time last saturday i saw a girl that looked kind of like a girl i used to know at work. she said hi, remember me, and i said yes, Annie, I do. I was proud that i remembered her name. Usually I make up a name. TO continue, I chatted with her and her parents for a while and then asked, "Are you going to have a kid?" she said no, she has cancer. The chemo drugs make her fat, but its almost all gone. I felt dumb. THen I said "are you still with that dick" and she said yes. She said everyone hates him and I said its because hes not good enough for you and her parents liked that i said that. The mom gave me a high five.
One time Paul didn't put his foot in his mouth. But it was only one time.
One time after I took a shower just now, I put on my new antiperspirant. It's a gel and goes on wet and stays wet. Soon thereafter it makes its way into the armpits of my shirt and prevents my shirt from perspiring.
One time I met a bee with actual knees. Wait no, it was just this guy
One time I tried to do an html tag and it didn't work. At all.
this guy
One time I was awesome at html.
One time i was at taco time. the girl after me was hispanic and obese. She ordered a(some) bavarian cream empanada(s). I said, "hey, I like bavarian cream empanadas! They're the bees' knees!" She said " I like to eat them in bed." I could tell what she was onto. "I like to eat them at the National 9 Inn just up the road" I said, winking. "I like to eat them at the Fairfield Inn by Marriott thats a little further up the road" she said, unbuttoning her blouse.
"Well, I hope you like spending $40 more for the exact same sizae of room" I said, squirting catsup into a plastic thing. She said "They make towel monkeys for you". and I said nuts to that. The end.
What kind of catsup?
It was red. And tomatoe-y.
One time the counter girl called me "horchata" because I say it a little bit strangely. And authentically. Wait, not one time. Every single time I go there.
cover your head in punk devotion
One time when I was hanging out with Leslie and a really cute boy I was laughing and I farted. James still remembers that.
One time I was hanging out with my friends. We were sitting out in a field somewhere and they were sniffing rubber cement. Suddenly one of them pointed and shouted "LOOK IT'S MY THIRD GRADE TEACHER MRS. CLEMENTS RUNNING THROUGH THE FIELD AND CARRYING APPLE PIES!!!" I reccommend you sniff rubber cement only if you like apple pie.
heehee oh the nastalgia is just washing over me....
Once Nan and Leslie and Jeremy and some others we were at a lake and Jeremy was distraught over Holly, so he decided to walk to her(she was not there) and he was walking toward her by means of threw the lake, so of course I had to save him, which some how entailed me taking my pants off, to swim faster, however I was wearing Nan's wool sweater, have ya ever tried to swim in a wool Gi-normous soaking wet sweater, luckily Nan saved us all.
Once I was wearing my Bubblemen t-shirt which I adored. Daina and I were late for class and we were running to my locker. She had a grip on the collar of my shirt. When I stopped at my locker, she kept running. And she kept holding on to my shirt. She tore the sleeve and collar of the shirt. I had to do a presentation in front of my seminary class the next period.
One time when I lived in Jackson Hole we stayed with a friend in their hotel room. Michele and I jumped on the bed in our underwear and James climed out the window. We were on the 3rd floor. We stopping jumping and went outside. I forgot my pants and started kissing some guy. Carrie was a bad influence.
Once I didn't do drugs. And I followed that up by not drinking. It left me aware and in control. Also I didn't smoke. It was weird.
Once and only once my car overheated. I took the radiator cap off for good measure and steam issued forth burning my arm. The Taco Bell bean burrito in my other had went squished and forgotten while howls of pain issued forth from my.. uh, self.
Once my brother and a good friend and I when to the train tracks. It was in August. There were several people hanging out there. The cops came. They found my friend and I hiding in a bush. Joel was smart and ran further down the train tracks. The police were looking for a specific person. The other people told the cops that my friend and I were with a guy. I denied this. We were asked for our drivers licenses. I didn't have mine, but my friend did. My friend was mad at me cause this was her first time at the train tracks and she gets busted. We didn't go to jail. They just told us to go away. Joel came walking down the street like nothing was wrong and then we left. It was dark.
One time my cat was being Jane Bond and thought she could make it under the closing garage door. The door came down on her head. She really misjudged. She made some horrible noise and I reopened the door.
One time at Easter there was still so much freekin snow in Rexburg that Easter egg hunting was pointless, what grass there was was turned into a bog. So plastic eggs and baskets were in the house, mmmm 12 grandkids looking for eggs in a gorgeous house....bring on excedrin!!
A while ago my Alex childhad a 100 party at school. Only 4 more comments and we can enjoy like the 1st graders. Come on guys! ake it count!
ake it count. I think i'm funny.
Nan,
Ur vry fnny. LOL! I ttlly thnk UR fnny. ROTFLMAO!
EMFBI, but AAMOF & IMHO, txt msg wrtng in a blg is SSINF. TTFN
Hooray! I'm number 100 comment! What do I win?
Oh good. A towel monkey.
Certainly no pize.
Once in junior high I thought girls had a sixth sense that when I farted they could see a green mist around me. I was bloated often.
Once I wasn't dumb.
Once in a bathroom far, far away, in my house many years ago, I caught my dog stealing cat food. I put a ninja sneak on her and goosed her on her sides yelling loudly. Poo sprayed forth covering the lower half of my body. It Is possible to scare the crap out of something. Oooo stinky.
James u r a beast!!!
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